It's time!!!

So we've made it, and here it is OPENING NIGHT!!

I am so frigging excited, and although I haven't had much time to blog, so much has happened!!

Okay, so I'm gonna go back and start from the last time I blogged...

I had been battling with the whole Where Do I Go segment and truly I was wondering where to go. The cast all decided on a certain night it would be the first 'clothes-taking-off day'. So we get to that particular part and I'm like "Is this a set up? Am I going to be the only one stripping?" And I can't really look up during that scene to see if anyone else is doing it, cause then I'd look like some crazy pervert trying to get a peek! So I'm on the floor looking at the ceiling and the light that's appears to be beaming directly on me, wondering if I'm going to do it...

Okay, so now time is running out. Piss or get off the pot! "OKAY FINE!!", I yelled at myself. Start removing some stuff, girl! You're free, right?! So 'beads, flowers, freedom, happiness...' I removed my shirt. Then I figured well maybe I'll do this in stages and by the time the show starts I'll be set! Well then the next night, I'm feeling more free. I'm on the floor in the same spot on the stage with that same light overhead contemplating my next move. 'Where do I go, follow the children...' and again time is running out. Okay, shirt? Check! Pants? Check!...Okay that's good for now! 'Beads, flowers, and a little more freedom, working towards happiness!'

Here we are again. Next night. On the floor. Light overhead. Where Do I Go. It's on! I'm going for it. Shirt? Check! Pants? Check! Bra...? CHECK! THE GIRLS ARE LOOSE! THE GIRLS ARE LOOSE! And there I am standing proudly like the women of Nigeria with my breasts beared in a pose of power! Take that! BEADS! FLOWERS! FREEDOM!!! Okay, maybe I can do this.

Then we're in 'hell week' it's Saturday and we're doing light cues. We get to Where Do I Go and I'm expecting to see some really low lights, and shadows, and such. NOT AT ALL!! The lights are not down at all, we see them, they see us! What is going on here?! Apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way because other tribe members are saying the same thing. This isn't what we expected. Okay, so now another decision. Do I still do it, although I was practicing under the pretense the light would be lower? Do I just forgo it and not do the scene at all? What about all my hard work? What about me being Freedom Child? Hmmm. Well after some contemplation I decided to go halfway. Who knows what may happen now?

Also, I HAVEN'T TOLD MY MOTHER YET! I have to warn her to let her know peepees will be flying about and the nipples will sway! I'm contemplating how/when or should I just let her be surprised? I can just imagine her sitting there and we come from under the tarp singing and being free, birthday-free. She would be okay, but she'd surely say something to me later. I am trying not to laugh, but man the thought tickles me so!

The last couple of dress rehearsals have been awesome, too. I look...everyone looks really good. I was sitting in the mirror with Ryan and I said, "It looks like I have on foundation. Man, I'm gorgeous!" and she falls out. I'm cracking up too cause I can be vain. It's not serious, though...
Then last night at final dress I decided to go diva for Scott's benefit/amusement. He tells us all we have to go out now and mingle with the crowd. I told him, "I decided I'm not going to go out there tonight. The first act is MY ACT and I don't want my public to see me before it's time!" Well he laughed first, then he turned and walked out of the dressing room because of course he wasn't worried about me going out there. I went, and I dropped some serious knowledge on those 'people' and I can't wait until I get to share with the audience!

All that to say, tonight is the night that we get this show on the road. I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared! -Jessica Spano

...until next time

No time for losers cause we are the champions...

OF THE WORLD!! Okay so I have the spirit of the Olympics very close to me (it's not just because it's blasting on the TV in the background...). This hit me when I sat down and decided to blog a little. The production is moving right along and it's going sooo well it's almost a little eerie. As I work on my part, rehearse, sing songs I'm constantly wondering if I'm heading in the right direction. I'm wondering if I'm doing justice to my part. I'm wondering if the beforementioned questions are still being pursued. They are. The more I say that I'm Freedom Child the more I'm starting to believe it. If I call myself that enough I will make sure that all that I do is in pursuit of freedom. If I show that I believe it, other people will also and maybe I can start a little 'freedom' trend! There'll be people pursuing freedom in spirit, love, validation, etc ALL OVER THE WORLD!! Wow, how great would that be?! Maybe then the change we seek will start in us. Once that happens we can imagine, seek, and find change in the things we never thought we would. We would be able to not just see the negative but be affected by the positive in a situation. It's not in how we start, it's in how we finish!

All that to say, the show is really rolling along and it's to the point now where we need to Get Right or Get Left. I don't wanna get left! So you just may have to eat my dust!!

Really quickly...

To my tribe:
Because of you I had a wonderful birthday. August the 14th I celebrated my birthday with my tribe and they sang happy birthday and took me out for drinks. It was fun hanging out and spending time with my folks! THANKS, I really appreciated it, and I loved my bracelet. This hot guy gave it to me, and it's rumored that he made it with his BARE HANDS!! There are signs everywhere :)

I also realized tonight that I look forward to seeing everyone. There are days when I just feel worn out, just not in the mood, but after being around you all I start to feel better. I bet sometimes Scott wishes I didn't feel as good as I did (I tend to talk a lot more and make jokes...), but I'm glad that they have that affect on me. I am appreciative that I work with people who are able to bring about a positive change in me, that affect me positively. People need people like that in their lives and I am absolutely freaking blessed to have that! THIS IS GREAT!

...until next time

Man, this is getting deep...

So we've have some pretty productive rehearsals the last couple of weeks. I already mentioned in the first blog that this is deep! The more we get into it, and I'm reading our fantastic artistic director's book 'Let the Sun Shine In', the more I see this is waaaay bigger than me, waaaay bigger than the New Line Theatre. This is grand, humongous, and I feel...humbled to be a part of it. When I'm working on lines, or blocking, or songs in my head I'm thinking about all the great actors who came before me doing this production. What were they contributing? What can I contribute? What is my purpose, and how do I fit into this grand scheme of things? (Those questions haven't all been answered but I anticipate they will be by the end of this.)

Tonight doing the show Scott mapped out that we are ourselves in this show. We are young, curious, innocent people who could possibly 'live two lives' for lack of a better way of saying it. Some of us may be 'hippies' in all that implies. Some of us may just like to hang out with them, feel the 'love' then go home to our middle class homes and have dinner with our families. Who am I? Am I the free-love, smoking, enlightened, daisy-passing-out, aquarius-minded freedom child? or am I still locked into traditional culture. Am I still enslaved, but pretending to be something else? Whoa, that's big! I may have to come back to that!!

While doing this show I've also been going through a lot of emotional changes, some brought on because of this show. The more I visit with my tribe and interact, I'm learning a little more about myself. We've already been named the Osage tribe, but now we must give ourselves a name within the tribe. Hmmm. I've been doing some soul searching, and I'm leaning towards Freedom. What's funny about this is when sitting contemplating my name this was the first to pop into my spirit. Then right after it, I'm wondering can I pull it off? Do I really feel free as the 'hippie' did? Do I really feel like love leads me? That everything I do is grounded in feeling a sense of self worth, self-pride, self-admiration, self validation, self love? Then I was confronted with a big NO! Although I feel this to be true I'd still like to keep the name. I mentioned in my profile that I'm a woman in transition. This show could only help me to transform into the wonderful woman that I'm destined to be. While working on this show I've listened to myself more, I've observed and absorbed more. If I don't feel totally free now I am on my quest to becoming just that. This will be my freedom-accomplishing quest, and I've invited you all to join me!

...until next time

What have I gotten myself into...

Okay, so here I am. We're a couple weeks in and I'm really learning a lot. But what have I taken on?!

First off, the music. There are eight hundred and fifty seven songs in this show, or well make that eight hundred and fifty six; we're not doing Hippie Life. Learning them have been both fun and challenging. It was so funny, at one of our music rehearsals, Scott, our amazing artistic director and music instructor is teaching parts. I'm concentrating hard, I'm listening with everything I got, and when he finishes I'm like 'huh?'. None of it is sticking. I shake my head vigorously to loosen up the retaining muscle, to allow things to absorb and gel, and say 'okay, play it again.' He plays it again and I say then '...okay' and I'm like cracking up! Well, I'm happy to say, it's been a few days and I got a pretty good chunk of it! Look out folks!

Also, we've been checking out dvds and documentaries and reading books about the 60's. I'm thinking like WOW this is a lot of prep work. But this is so important. And with our country seeming to be at a transitory period and with there being so many similarities between 1968 and 2008 it seems a little 'set in the stars' that we're doing this show now. I am glad to be a part of it. I just hope I do it justice. It seems like so much is riding on it... MAN, WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?!

...until next time