Man, this is getting deep...

So we've have some pretty productive rehearsals the last couple of weeks. I already mentioned in the first blog that this is deep! The more we get into it, and I'm reading our fantastic artistic director's book 'Let the Sun Shine In', the more I see this is waaaay bigger than me, waaaay bigger than the New Line Theatre. This is grand, humongous, and I feel...humbled to be a part of it. When I'm working on lines, or blocking, or songs in my head I'm thinking about all the great actors who came before me doing this production. What were they contributing? What can I contribute? What is my purpose, and how do I fit into this grand scheme of things? (Those questions haven't all been answered but I anticipate they will be by the end of this.)

Tonight doing the show Scott mapped out that we are ourselves in this show. We are young, curious, innocent people who could possibly 'live two lives' for lack of a better way of saying it. Some of us may be 'hippies' in all that implies. Some of us may just like to hang out with them, feel the 'love' then go home to our middle class homes and have dinner with our families. Who am I? Am I the free-love, smoking, enlightened, daisy-passing-out, aquarius-minded freedom child? or am I still locked into traditional culture. Am I still enslaved, but pretending to be something else? Whoa, that's big! I may have to come back to that!!

While doing this show I've also been going through a lot of emotional changes, some brought on because of this show. The more I visit with my tribe and interact, I'm learning a little more about myself. We've already been named the Osage tribe, but now we must give ourselves a name within the tribe. Hmmm. I've been doing some soul searching, and I'm leaning towards Freedom. What's funny about this is when sitting contemplating my name this was the first to pop into my spirit. Then right after it, I'm wondering can I pull it off? Do I really feel free as the 'hippie' did? Do I really feel like love leads me? That everything I do is grounded in feeling a sense of self worth, self-pride, self-admiration, self validation, self love? Then I was confronted with a big NO! Although I feel this to be true I'd still like to keep the name. I mentioned in my profile that I'm a woman in transition. This show could only help me to transform into the wonderful woman that I'm destined to be. While working on this show I've listened to myself more, I've observed and absorbed more. If I don't feel totally free now I am on my quest to becoming just that. This will be my freedom-accomplishing quest, and I've invited you all to join me!

...until next time